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Try to limit your comments to a discussion of the poem, please! What do y'all think this is, the Debate forum?
This poem actually made me sick. Respect is earned, it is not acquired through age. I am 16 and I have a loving 25 year old partner, I also have a friend in his late 70s. I gained their respect through maturity not my age. "Not old fogies staring at us." By labeling them as "old fogies" you are disrespecting them. To gain respect for yourself and rise up you must first learn to respect others.
I will not apologize for my comments on this poem should people view them as "harsh" the truth was meant to hurt.
Wow loads of comments, OK i know it did kinda suck (loads) Maybe i should just stick out of poetry, but thanks for taking the time reviewing
I am going to tell you my honest thoughts on this poem. I am not trying to be mean, but if I withheld what I thought just to be polite it wouldn't be a very good critique, would it?
This poem is pathetic. You talk about disproving stereotypes and how you're a GOOD teenager but the entire poem proves that you're a "bad" teenager and you are the stereotype.
Like Galerius, I thought this was a parody until the verses:
I am not completely eliminating the possibility that this is a layered and subtle parody, and if so, then excuse this critique, it's hilarious and I love it. However, I sadly kind of doubt that this is a parody at all.
Breakdown of everything that's wrong about this poem:
This piece is amazingly hypocritical. Oy.
Have a nice day.
your message here is "we like instant gratification! deal!". when i first read until this point, I was happy because i thought you truly were making a satire of the generation x of children drifting amid the electronic lights of their generation down the tunnel to death. but...
you want you want you want. if you desire respect then i need to see some indication in this poem that your doing something to strive for this. otherwise, the piece sounds like a loooooong rant.
what do freedom and fairness have to do anything with your poem? you never even mentioned them (and if you did, you didnt back it up) anywhere besides now! maybe you just learned about alliteration, though it was cool, and decided to inject some in here randomly?
see above
i did not like this poem. it was whining and moaning about things that are outside your grasp. it works as a chant, maybe, but in poetry i want to see something deeper, something that runs underneath the lucid ink of the words. here, i just got you talking about how you think life is unfair and how you love South Park.
true, but your doing nothing to deflect that stereotype with this poem. basically, you just told people that you want everything in the world and dont have to work for it (which is a big teenage stereotype). good job man, you just dissed the generation that your claiming to protect.
revolution is triangular, my friend.
i like the idea of this poem. but not the way it's been written...
you know, i've been through many things in my life (although i'm only 16), believe me...
and one of the many things i've learned is that if you want something you have to go and get it by your own (!!!)
if you want to be heard and to be understand - go and tell about yourself to the world
if you want get respect and make people to be proud of you - give them a reason do it
etc.
you can't expect of somebody to do things just because you want it -
we are all people, and we all want the things you wrote here!!!
you can't expect of somebody to do things, that you're not doing...
i've learned a lot of things and the most important of them is that
when you're stop hiding in yourself, in your little and darkened world -
you find out what a wonderful world it is(!!!)
(a poem i wrote half of year ago)
What is life about...?
Life is about finding a purpose,
Something to live for and fight until the last moment.
Life is about never-ending believing,
Those who stop doing that are considered dead people.
Life is about asking the right questions
And only then trying to search their true answers.
Life is about understanding the reason,
The result has no sense without its deep analysis.
Life is about feeling the surrounding,
This small part of life which has been forgotten.
Life is about remembering the moments,
That seems to have the most little importance.
Life is about seeing the objects,
That we're not aware of their existence.
Life is about hearings the voices
Those are lost in the tumult of emotions.
Life is about everything,
That we're usually missing,
Cause we're too much closed in ourselves,
Closed up from the real living…
you see,
i'm not trying to critique your point of view or something,
i'm just telling you what i think...
anyway,
i wish you a great weekend and shabat shalom